I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. I have been sort of seeing a man for the past year but it has really been more of a pen pal/texting situation. He was living with a woman and he told me it was more of a roommate situation than anything else. He works out on oil rigs and is gone alot and needed someone to take care of his dog. I have put up with his promises for over a year that he was going to be moving and we could start a relationship. We argue because I call him out on his lies and we stop talking for a while and then reconnect again. We lost touch for 5 months until his mother was dying and he called upon me. I visited him and old feelings resurfaced and then the lies and distance started right back up. I finally had enough and decided to contact his "roommate". I am so naive. This wasn't a roommate situation, this was a live in girlfriend whom he was telling that he loved. This woman and I ended up having a really good talk and may even become friends at some point. She decided to end things with him and let him go and we have been consoling each other. He is bad news for me and the more I talked with her, the more lies I found out he had been telling me. I finally told him I was through and shared some choice words with him and it's all over. The problem is my feeling like I am just a stupid, naive girl. I was so lonely and was hoping that someone had finally taken an interest in me that I was willing to believe and put up with so much crap. I don't love him and never did. I was just settling just as I did in my marriage.
I am on a couple of online dating websites and started talking to a man last night. We seemed to be really hitting it off and exchanged numbers. We texted today and he said I was sweet and he wanted to meet me. In the course of our conversation, he mentioned he takes lithium. I asked why he takes this and he said he is schizophrenic. I told him this is a scary disease to me and I didn't think I would be able to handle that. After a little while, he texts back and said he was just f***ing with me. I asked why he would do that since I don't know him yet and don't know when he is joking. He said he was testing my reaction to adversity and I threw in the towel and wished me luck.
Why would someone joke about something like this? It is so disappointing to me. I told him he was just cruel. Why are men like this? This man is in his 40's, it's not like we are teenagers anymore.
I guess it's time for me to stop looking. This means I need to take my profile down off of these sites and really stop looking. I've been trying this online thing for about 3 years and most of these men seem to have some major issues. I just need to step away and really find myself. If I don't, I will keep falling into these same patterns. I just don't know how to find myself.
