I haven't written in a few days because my mind just feels blank lately. I feel like I have lost direction in my life somehow and don't know how to get on track. I went to church today and saw the ex again. I don't know if he saw me or not but it wouldn't have mattered because I'm sure he would have avoided me anyway. I don't know why I let this bother me but it really does. I think he's angry at me and I hate that. It should be me that's angry but I'm not really. It just feels like we had bad closure but maybe it's not possible to have good closure. I've been trying to be friends with another ex but that seems to have me conflicted as well. He is seeing someone now, or at least wants to, and I just hate hearing about it. It reminds me of the fact that he didn't make time for me when we were dating and I can tell that he wants to tell me what a great time he is having. I'm just not in the frame of mind for this.
I started talking to a couple of guys online again and one jerk told me that men don't message me because of my weight. He said he wasn't trying to be offensive but there really isn't a good way to take that. It just put me into a further funk of a mood. Why are men so insensitive? I realize I am still overweight and there are lots of thinner women out there but that doesn't make me less of a person. I am so tired of being looked over because of my weight. I wish someone would take the time to get to know me and my personality instead of only going by appearances.
I am so frustrated by insensitive men. I know there are probably some good ones out there, but where does one go to meet them?
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